he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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