Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
