I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
