Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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