so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
