Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
