I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
