just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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