i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize