so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
