it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
