VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wear drunk well.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
