In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
