shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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