watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
