my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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