I need help removing her.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
