party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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