did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
