Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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