party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
