do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
