if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The uberlube is also flammable
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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