She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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