Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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