My hand turned me down
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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