Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
