im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
