How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
