I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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