I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
