Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
