I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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