forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
