you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
