so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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