the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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