your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
