Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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