My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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