1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
