Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
