Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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