I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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