Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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