hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
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I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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