im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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