member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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