i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
