oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
