I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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