you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
