When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
