It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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