as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
