dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
COCAINE IS GR8
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
