My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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