I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
