where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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