Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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