do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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