Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize