I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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