I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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