it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this boner is exhausting
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
