I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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