Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
