I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
