It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
