i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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