I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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